Sunday, January 2, 2011

Stick my foot in my mouth

I absolutely did not intend on putting down others in my previous post, but I did.  There are tons of single moms who have never been married and are not with their baby daddy.  I have several friends who fall into this category.  They are incredible moms, and I hope that I can be as good of a mom as most single moms are.

I never imagined having babies and being on my own (which is the case for a lot of single moms, I'm sure).  In my perfect little world, we are one little happy family living together and living the perfect little life.  That dream is gone.  Crushed.  It is hard to swallow.  A baby is a blessing no matter how he or she comes into this world.  Right now, I'm a little overwhelmed with the idea of a new baby.  I know I will have help, but I'm scared.

I know how society judges others.  I don't want to be looked at as someone who goes around and gets knocked up because I am far from that.  There is only one judge whose opinion matters, and that is God.  I know this, but...let's face it...I am a people pleaser.  I want people to like me.  I want to fit in.  I care what others think of me, and I'm embarrased when I don't fit into the "social standard."  That is just who I am.  I say that not to put anyone down who doesn't fit into that same standard....that is just who I am.  I wish it was different, but that is who I have always been.  I really didn't mean to offend anyone.  When I typed, I didn't really think anything I said was being offensive, but I was wrong.  I'm sorry. 

Wow...the more I write about this new world I'm in, the more people are getting an insight into who I really am.  It's amazing what comes out when you just let go and tell it how it is.

On another note, today I have a sick Sarah.  She coughed all night last night and didn't sleep well.  She woke up with a fever.  It really isn't stopping her, but she is a bit more whiney that usual today.  I guess this congestion mess is going to stick with us all winter, which makes for a grumpy toddler which leads to a grumpy mommy!  Tomorrow starts the first full week back to work after being off a lot over the past 2 weeks.  This is going to be one long week.  On the upside, I have a check-up on Thursday morning.  We will set the date for our next ultrasound.  I am so ready to find out what gender this baby is.  I am ready to do some baby shopping!!  I think the surprise of not knowing the gender until delivery would me amazing, but I am so anal and have to plan and organize and have things just perfect (not to mention that I don't do well with surprises) I just can't wait it out.  Pathetic, I know.  I have been feeling the baby move, which, I think, may be one of the most amazing parts of being pregnant. 

This blog has turned VERY random.  This is the last thing.  This week 2 of my employees, who I also consider friends, have lost their brothers.  My heart breaks for both families.  I can't imagine that kind of pain.  Please pray for both of these women and their families.  They have a long road of healing ahead of them.  I pray that they will feel God's healing arms around them and that they will feel comforted. 

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